


Keep off the grass

by ThusWithAKissIDie



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Recreational Drug Use, some shotgunning, theres alcohol and weed in here, this is some major crack bois, you could ship some people here but only if you see shotgunning the homies as a romantic action
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26308744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThusWithAKissIDie/pseuds/ThusWithAKissIDie
Summary: Red Bulls golden boy gets corrupted by Frenchman , an Australian and a few Finns or how Seb tried weed for the first time
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Keep off the grass

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Its_a_yoke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_a_yoke/gifts).



> yeah this is pure crack born of me noticing that the Monza cardboard cutout of Seb looks like he's high (charles' one as well but I'll get to that some other time) and then taking the idea and running with it.
> 
> For Rou because she took my dumb ideas and made them even dumber
> 
> Also big thanks to Monti aka hedgehogfrog for the title because i was no thots hed emty 
> 
> This was written and (lazily) edited on my phone so theres probably some typos and questionable punctuation in here
> 
> Last point: dont do drugs kids, it can go bad real quick, especially if you have no idea how much is too much so better not do it or at least have a sober person with you

It's gotten quite late already and Seb's birthday party has quietened down, someone has changed the music from the charts dj stuff to a Pink Floyd album and there's only a few people left, sat in a circle in the grass that's tickling their ankles.

A few mosquitoes have already fallen victim to lightning-fast racing driver reflexes.

The only people still in the garden are those who stay over night because their way home is too long, and those whose way is short enough that crashing in their colleague's garden doesn't make much of a difference when they have to show up at the factory the next morning.

There's Finnish murmurs, interrupted with short bursts of laughter, Heikki shoving Mika into Kimi and knocking over empty bottles in the process and the other Heikki desperately dashing forward to stop a still half full bottle from falling over too.

Some French is mixed in there too, Jean-Eric mumbling to himself as he rummages through his backpack with Daniel curiously looking on.

Seb sits down between the people, enjoying the feeling of being there, being with friends.

He closes his eyes and savors the feeling of peace and happiness, the way the soft fog of alcohol blurs the edges of his vision and makes him push away all the thoughts of strategy amd simulator days and Mark being cold and Helmut telling him off.

Right now, it's only him, and his friends and the plastic bag Jev, with a attention-grabbing "Voila!", produces from his backpack.

The group shuffles closer around Jean-Eric who explains, French accent even heavier than normal, how he got that bag for cheap in the Netherlands the last time his train stopped in Amsterdam and now Seb is pretty sure about the contents of the bag.

"Jev! What if Dr. Marko finds out? You'd be gone from here faster than you can say 'it's not mine I swear'!" Seb asks, scandalized.

Jev just waves the concerns off with a smirk and a french comment about Marko that's too rude to have been in any of Seb's French textbooks.

He then takes a small nub and some paper out of his backpack, hands Daniel the plastic bag and puts the nub into the paper.

"It's a filter," he answers to Seb's curious look, "have you ever rolled a joint? Smoked one?"

Seb almost lies and says yes, he's pretty sure the Finns have quite some fun while they're out of the stricts rules and regulations of their country and Daniel and Jev don't look like beginners either with the way they're working together, Daniel crushing the leaves as Jev holds the paper, but in the end Seb settles on shaking his head.

Nobody laughs at him and he's sure they wouldn't say anything if he left or asked them to leave but now that his curiosity is truly piqued and the alcohol in his system spurs him on.

"Can I try though?"

Jev licks the paper and rolls it with nimble fingers and then twists the end.

Kimi sways toward him and compliments him on how professional the joint looks and Jev looks like a satisfied cat.

Sebastian giggles at the thought of Jev starting to purr and demand head scratches like the cat walking around the houses in Milton Keynes.

"What's so funny Seb?" Daniel asks and somehow that's even funnier to Seb as he hunches forward, caught up in his giggle fit.

Daniel shakes his head. "And he isnt even high yet."

"A propos," Jev interrupts and nudges Dan, "I need the lighter."

Dan complies and lights the tip of the joint. Jev takes a drag and then passes the joint to Daniel and so it makes its way through their circle until it is handed to Seb.

His heart pounds. He really is doing this. He holds the joint like he has seen the others do it, holds it to his mouth and breathes in.

"Slow down there Seb, take a light drag first." Jev's hand on his shoulder stops him.

"This stuff is pretty strong and you're not used to it."

Seb coughs only a little, the taste in his mouth feeling strange but nice.

He passes the joint on to Jev again.

"And you are? Used to it, I mean?"

Dan grins. "Jev, you're officially the Red Bull stoner now."

Jev only grumbles something in reply, more occupied with taking another drag, longer this time.

He doesn't breathe out though and instead motions towards Dan who seems to get the hint amd leans forward as Jev.. kisses him?

Seb isn't quite sure what they're doing and he also isn't sure if he wants to know but when they let go of each other, Dan flashes his trademark smile.

"Thanks bro. You're the best. No homo though, you know the deal."

They fistbump and Daniel passes the joint along without taking a drag of it this time.

Nobody seems fazed by whatever the two Toro Rosso drivers did, so Seb doesn't pay mind to it amd concentrates more on the soft, warm feeling that's spreading in his body.

The music in the background wafts through his mind and a broad smile forms on his face.

"I feel like, like ink," Seb declares, and under the questioning looks of the others, he elaborates, "like when you put ink in a glass of water, you know? Like not flying, whats the word- floating! I feel like ink floating."

"Seb, how does it feel to be a bad boy now?" Mika asks and Seb briefly wonders why the majority of the people he gets along well with are Finnish. Does he have a thing with Finns?

"Why do you Finns all spend time with me? Or do I spend time with you? What was your question?"

Mika just laughs, not in a mean way but in a friendly, hearty way and the next time he's passed the joint, he takes a deep drag and then motions to Seb.

Seb looks at him with big eyes but moves forward.

Is kissing your friends and colleagues normal when you smoke weed?

Once more, Seb takes a leap of faith, prays Helmut and Christian never find out amd presses his mouth onto Mika's.

Mika opens his mouth and Seb follows suit, lets Mika direct him but then, in the flash of a moment - an eternity when you're used to thinking in thousandths of seconds - Seb decides to take action and tries to deepen the kiss, slip a little tounge in there and-

And then Mika breathes out, blows the smoke he previously inhaled into Seb's lungs and Seb isn't prepared for it but he manages to go along with it anyways and of fucking course this isn't a _real_ kiss, it's just to blow smoke.

Seb doesn't think he's ever been more embarrassed.

He thanks every god there is that it's dark and nobody can make out how red his face is at the moment because _he tried to kiss Mika Hakkinen_ , the Mika Hakkinen, while getting high in his own backyard.

Mika just chuckles and claps him on the shoulder but Seb already thinks about running away and buying a shed in Lapland - well maybe not in Lapland, that's too close to the people who just witnessed the most embarrassing thing he ever did.

He doesn't take drags of the joint anymore but rather keeps to his drink and just inhaling the smoke around him.

Jev asks him if he wants to shotgun again.

In response to Seb's confused look, he explains:

"What you did... uuh, avant le.., before. What you did earlier, that's what I wanted to say."

Seb blushes again at the thought of him shotgunning from - definitely not weirdly making out with - Mika, but he nods and so Jev takes a drag, presses his lips to Seb's and gently blows the smoke into his mouth.

This time it works better, although Seb still has to repress some coughing.

Jev moves back but only after quickly kissing the corner of Seb's mouth and shooting him a wink.

Seb is so perplexed he winks back.

"Seb, where's the food? We're getting a little hungry here mate," Daniel announces and Seb throws a stick from the ground at Heikki.

The stick hits him in the face and both Seb and Dan burst into a fit of giggles over Heikkis face.

"Heikki, you go and get food, you're the trainer. We wait here, yes?" Seb manages to get out before collapsing into another fit of giggles.

Heikki gets up and, a few minutes later, returns with some baguettes still left from earlier in the evening which get eradicated within minutes.

Seb looks around. He feels happy and warm and someone is hugging him and in this moment he just lets himself fall, lose control and relax.

When he wakes up, it's still early, the sun isn't up yet but it's light already.

Someone lies on top of his legs. Probably Jev. He himself lies on someone too. That someone has his arms around his chest.

Seb tries to move a little to identify who is holding him and as he recognizes Mika, he can feel the blood rush to his head.

He cautiously wiggles free and then arranges Jev in a way he can get his legs free but keeps Jev's head from the damp grass.

Speaking of, Seb's ass is wet, as are the backsides of his legs.

He goes inside the house, ignoring the headache that's beginning to form and instead concentrating on breakfast, and maybe some coffee.

The alcohol hasn't completely left his system yet, Seb notices as he misjudges the distance from his body to the doorframe and hits his shoulder into it.

The coffee pot is on the stove as one by one, the others stumble into the kitchen, all of them looking like Seb feels, slightly damp, a bit worse for wear and caught in the middle between the tail end of being drunk and the beginning of a hangover.

There isn't much talk between them, just silent sipping of coffee and Heikki telling Seb to not yet have breakfast, "or you'll throw it all up in an hour or two".

Taxis get arranged for those who need them, those who don't walk home, Aspirins are taken and Seb and Heikki set to clean up all the evidence of the night before.

Not having heeded Heikki's warning and having eaten breakfast anyways, Seb comes to the conclusion that it'll take a long time before he'll ever touch drugs again as he hangs over the toilet bowl a bit later.

That decision is thrown in the wind only a bit later when he discovers the remainder of Jev's plastic bag contents on his kitchen counter, tagged with a post-it that reads:

"you owe me a shotgun xoxo"

-

The paddock is bustling with productivity after a successful qualifying session and Seb happily walks through the media pen towards Kimi, until he sees who Kimi is talking to.

By now it's too late to turn away and Seb can only accept his fate and keep walking to Kimi and Mika, who has now spotted him as well and waves at him.

Seb forces the embarrassing memories down and a smile on his face, but he can only keep his composure until Mika winks at him and blows him a kiss, at which point his face is probably redder than a Ferrari and he pulls a perplexed Britta away from the Finns and in the direction of the Sky Sports reporters.

He accepts his fate to never talk to Mika ever again and starts answering questions.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if seb ever lived in milton keynes but he does now❤️
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, leave hate anons or confess your undying love to me on @formula-whine over on tumblr
> 
> Thank you for reading xoxo


End file.
